A friend of mine had posted, on Facebook, a meme about bringing back “old fashioned” dating.  I liked it enough to want to write about it here.  I am going to write the “10 old fashioned dating habits we should make cool again” and what I think about them.  On we go.

1.  Coming to the door to pick someone up.

I was surprised to see this one.  I figured that’s the way it was still done.  At least it’s still the way I do things.  I believe in showing up at the door, if that’s been arranged, when going on a date.  However, most of my most recent dates have been where the lady and I meet somewhere mutually decided upon, like a restaurant or a coffee shop (the ubiquitous Starbucks).  In one sense, I can see where this could be problematic  if you meet someone who isn’t stable.  You really don’t want some bunny boiler knowing where you live.

I guess that if you know the person you’re dating, you can develop the dating habit of picking up your date at the door rather than meeting somewhere.  After all, the third date should be the one after you each have vetted each other.  That’s where things should step up a little.

2.  Trying to dress really nicely for a date.

Dress to impress.  That should still be the rule of dating.  I wouldn’t continue to date a lady who dressed in her grungies for a date.  I always make an effort, for dates, to look my best from top to bottom.  I will wear a nice shirt and slacks, not jeans, to make myself look good.  This also means to be clean and to smell good.  No one wants to be around a stinker for a date.  Also, if you stink, you won’t get another date.

3.  Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date.

All I have to say, about this, is that it’s important to demonstrate your interest in the person by doing this.  Even though I express affection through touch, I understand that flowers are a nice accent and provide a nice reminder to the date after you’ve made that impression, whether good or bad.  It’s an effort worth making.

4.  Going dancing that’s not grinding on a grimy club floor.

Be classy about it.  Go dancing where there’s some form to the dancing like, for example, two-stepping.  It doesn’t have to be formal like ballroom dancing but it should be something both can enjoy and not feel like they degraded themselves to do.

5.  Straightforwardly asking someone out and not calling it “hanging out.”

Asking someone to hang out is just saying, you want to be just friends.  It could give the impression that you just want friends with benefits rather than a deeply connected relationship with someone.  It cheapens what you’re trying to do and it gives a poor impression of who you are and what you’re about.

6.  Additionally, being clear about when you’re “going steady.”

It’s like asking someone out.  You want clarity of purpose and where you stand with someone.  I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t clear about their relationship with me.  Being vague doesn’t get you anywhere but confused.  The relationship will not last long if it isn’t recognized as a relationship by both people involved.

7.  Romantic gestures like writing poems.

When I was married, I used to write little love notes and hide them in my wife’s work wear so she would find them when she was at work.  She loved those gestures and treasured them.  I don’t think she still has them, since we’re divorced, but it was an effort worth making.  I still do make those small gestures in relationships because they do add up to greater things.  Sometimes even writing a goofy poem, like I do, can go a long way.

8.  Turning electronics off and just being with one another.

I silence my phone when I am on a date, in a meeting, or at an interview.  It’s respectful of the other person when you do that.  It shows them that you take their time seriously and that you’re completely there for them.  It doesn’t take much effort to turn your phone, or other devices, to silent or off.

9.  The general concept of asking permission for things.

There’s a non-profit, in Seattle, called the Center for Sex Positive Culture.  One of its precepts is that you must ask permission to touch anyone in there.  The reason for this is to protect the people from feeling creeped out if they are touched by someone they don’t want touching them.  It’s also a way of setting boundaries.

Asking permission is a way to show that you respect someone’s boundaries.  You show that you care for their well being and that you understand your limits with them.  Now if they give you permission to cross their boundaries, you’re safe because they have indicated that they trust you.  Earning trust is very important (I sense another blog) with relationships.

10.  Not assuming sex is to be had at any point in time

This comes with trust.  If you force the issue with sex, you run the risk of running the relationship and destroying trust.  If you take time to get to know someone and let it happen naturally,  it will happen and it will have greater meaning for both people.  A friend once told me that it’s best not to even think of how you would like to have sex with someone while getting to know them.  It can influence how you interact with them and ruin the possibility of ever having sex with them.

It all comes from trust.  That will be discussed later.

Until then,,,